"Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me"
-David Crowder Band, Deliver Me
It's been an exciting yet grueling Fall semester thus far.
I say 'grueling" because though my spirits are high, my physical body has been taking some hard hits. I'm sorry Body! =( Please forgive me for abusing your vitality. >.<
Rather than going into the details of the hardships my body has endured, I'd rather write about how amazing God is. Sadly, I wish I were justified in saying that I have persevered through all the challenges that God has laid before me, but I'm entitled to no such glory. Fact is, I've been slugging around just barely making the mark. The start was great, as always, yet the wear and tear started to really show (physically & mentally). The thought, "When will I be able to find rest?" would not discontinue its presence in my mind. The hours spent driving to and fro from one destination to the next, I've cried, laughed, praised, and questioned the God I love. I can't even count how many times I've asked him to keep me awake so that I could make it safely back home for just one more night...yet here I am, safe and sound. He has not abandoned me once while I drove to the places he led me to.
It's kind of scary when I think about it...
Falling asleep on the wheel while driving about 65+ mph on Route 76 (yes, watch out for a silver Toyota Camry, people!), waking up not remembering how you got to where you were...it reveals not only weakness in me, but that nothing is by my own strength, not even my safety!
God is good and merciful to the weary and brokenhearted <3
It's been quite a marathon this semester with numerous events taking place every weekend, heck~ every day! Someone in my Comp.Sci class said, "Fall semester always goes by faster than Spring"...and I must concur his thought. "Fast" doesn't even cut it. It's beyond a blur. If my days were a painting, it's as though someone decided to take bottles of all sorts of colors, forfeited the brush, poured the paint into his hands, and smeared it all over a canvas, THEN took some good ole' glitter, and rather then sprinkling the glitter, just unscrewed the cap and let it pour out in all its glory...mixing it all together to make the absolutely beautiful mess that I am. hehe~ I quite like that idea.
Honestly, it doesn't even matter that it's all quite a mess and a half. My days are not lived for myself. My prayer and hope is that as I hold onto the God whom I so dearly love, that He will do something with the days that I can barely remember. He is bigger than I am, bigger than my life, bigger than my moments of glory and shame. How could I ever restrict him to the limits of one day in the life of me? I am part of his grand plans. So, I'm still living, eating, breathing, praising Him <3
With all this...I have survived some stressful months, tiring days, laziness, drowning in my complaints...and here I am, today, Sunday, the day of rest. I could barely keep it together today leading worship. For that, God, I am so sorry. Deliver me.
I was out of my mind in sleepiness. Another glob of smeared paint...and when you should have completely torn my canvas in half, chucked it into a shredder, rebuking me, you decided to bring me home and find rest in you, just like you always do. <3
I am reminded of Isaiah as I write this:
"I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. To whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken that we may be compared?...I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me." -Isaiah 46:4-9
Deliver me <3
